Duck the Shoe

Avoiding punishment by allowing responsibility to be placed on another person.

“Oh damn. I’m so glad the boss didn’t see me showing Amber to the elevator – he saw her asking Frank for a band aid, and now bossman thinks Frank’s the one charging hookers to the slush fund.”

- Rick, VP Client Relationships

Twitpersonation.

To impersonate another person or character in 140 characters or less.

Twitxecute

A member of the online microblogging site, Twitter, who seeks to have another member’s account suspended.

“Aw, shit. I think that asshole @iamdiddy twitxecuted @NotoriousBIG. Now how are we supposed to know when he’s sexin’ @lilkim on the kitchen table?”
- @juicyazz, Executive Recuiter

Chinese Takeout

A presentation of ideas that, at first glance, seem to fulfill goals and objectives. On further examination, however, the idea falls apart.

“You know, I thought Cliff’s presentation on using email marketing was right on strategy. But then I remembered hearing something about computer viruses coming through AOL! Our customers won’t stand for that. Boy, that was some real Chinese Takeout he was serving up.”
- Mildred, Special Events Coordinator

Profit Sharing Soda.

Sodas that you remove from the company refrigerator and drink, justifying this action by explaining that it’s your “profit sharing*.”

“Yowza, gents. I’m feelin’ a little parched after that ball-busting sales projections meeting. I think I’ll just have me one of these refreshing profit sharing sodas.”
- John, Sales Associate

*Assumes that you actually received no profit sharing recently. If you did, you’re just stealing.

Chatmosphere

The online space where one-on-one or group communication occurs using chat tools, such as instant messaging, micro-blogging and chat rooms.

“Here’s my card, but it’s easier to find me online. I’m always ridin’ a wave on the information superhighway or mingling out in the chatmosphere.” – Grant, Speed Dating Enthusiast

The Pushback

A physical movement used to emphasize a response — particularly anger or disgust — while sitting at a conference table. The participant uses his/her feet to push his/her chair back from the table. Usually followed by crossing arms while tilting head to the left or right.

The meeting was going really well until I started talking about their hideous website. Jim suddenly did The Pushback, and I knew I was fucked. No one told me Jim’s wife designed the damn thing.

- Larry, (soon to be ex) VP of Internet Sales

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(Thanks to Molly for this one.)

Clone The Goat

To recreate something already successful.

Doug: “We really don’t have time to come up with something fresh and new—let’s just clone the goat on this one.”

Green Screen

A person who was once aware of the computer industry, but is now woefully out of touch with current technology. From then monochrome green computer monitors in use until the late ’80s.

“Can you believe the new Vice President wants me to send out the Fall Sale flier to 5,400 fax numbers he copied down from his Rolodex? Why don’t I just send a carrier pigeon? Total green screen.”
- Zach, Advertising Specialties Intern

Leather up

Appropriate response when a colleague (particularly a male colleague)  is complaining excessively.

Jimbo: “My project sucks. Nobody cares, and I’m going to take all the heat for it.”

Clint: “If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger. You need to leather up and quit wearin’ those gold-plated speedos.”

(Special thanks to Andy L. for this one.)