Brown envelope

1.  Noun – A colleague leaving the company soon by his/her own choice or otherwise.

“Word around the water cooler is that Lou’s a brown envelope. He’s leaving for JWT next week.”

2.  Verb – Fired or laid off.

“Holy shit. Phillip got brown enveloped. I just saw him walking out with his fake Yale degrees and a stapler in a box.”

Refers to the interoffice envelopes used to “secretly” distribute farewell cards/collect money.

Bring the salt

To make a bad situation worse – i.e., pouring salt in a wound.

“I wanna know who the hell brought the salt to that meeting? Why is the client freaking out and calling me at home?”

– Darren, President

(Kudos to Dobbs for this one.)

Gold plate

To enhance or embellish beyond what is necessary to finish a task or project.

“Sure, Mike likes me to put dates and page numbers on reports, but I say there’s no point in gold plating ‘em.”

- Fran, Executive Assistant

Run It Up The Jagpole

To present an idea, plan, or proposal to a member of management who is known to be incompetent, power-tripping, or stupid.

“My idea to post our job listings on the web site was shot down. I ran it up the jagpole, but Brock said he didn’t want our competitors to know we’re hiring.”
- Joan, HR Generalist

Summit

A meeting, typically off-site, designed to remove stakeholders from their day-to-day tasks and focus their energies on a particular project or issue.

“No, I won’t have the quarterly reports done until the following week.  I’ll be out of pocket at a 5-day summit on expanding our international presence.”
– Jim, VP of Sales

Booty call

Any project or task, requested by a regular customer or client, that must be completed with very little warning.

“Jesus H, man. Ever since Steve decided we needed to be in the trade show, I’m constantly getting booty calls for new booth materials. Next time, I’m not putting out for less than dinner and a movie.”

– Vincent, Marketing Director

(Props to DF & CR for this one.)

Out Of Pocket

The state of being unavailable, or inaccessible.

“Sorry, honey – it’s looking like I can’t make your surgery at all. Covey’s 7 Habits seminar is on Thursday, so I’m gonna be out of pocket the last part of the week.”
- Tucker, Fax Machine Salesman

Peanut Butter

A method of distributing costs by “spreading” the total across several accounts.

“Look, Sally, I know there isn’t a cost center for lap dances. Can’t you just peanut butter the $400 across Entertainment, Meals and Recruiting costs?”
- Carl, Sales Engineer

Painted with the same f***brush

Guilt by association with another person.

“So, Bob wants to hit a cathouse after the conference wraps up. I go back to the hotel. The suits find out about it — now I’m painted with the same f***brush as Bob. Great.”

- Brandt, Sales Manager

Brandsexual

1) Any person, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, that derives intense pleasure from brand name products.
2) A marketing approach targeting a brandsexual consumer.

“If we’re gonna stay ahead in this game, we need to target brandsexuals that are willing to pay top dollar for bleeding-edge stuff.”

Phil, CFO – Phil’s Used Auto Emporium