Blowing Pudding

To improve, or “sweeten” a business document or presentation by adding inscrutable or nonsensical elements meant to impress a client.

“Jordan – Midwest Office Supply has no idea what social media influence is, they’ll never sign off on our strategy with this deck. I want you to blow some pudding on this pitch… propose one of those fucking tweetups or something.”

– Stephen, New Media Strategist

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Feelhouse

A designated area of the office in which employees are likely to get sexually harassed.

“So. Jessica was putting her lunch in the break room this morning, and Frank pretended to be looking for some yogurt in the fridge. He turns around, and next thing you know, he’s feeling the sides of her breasts! What did she expect? From 8 to 10, everyone knows you stay out of Frank’s feelhouse.”

– Sandy, Accounts Payable

Duck the Shoe

Avoiding punishment by allowing responsibility to be placed on another person.

“Oh damn. I’m so glad the boss didn’t see me showing Amber to the elevator – he saw her asking Frank for a band aid, and now bossman thinks Frank’s the one charging hookers to the slush fund.”

– Rick, VP Client Relationships

Twitpersonation.

To impersonate another person or character in 140 characters or less.

Twitxecute

ExececutionerA member of the online microblogging site, Twitter, who seeks to have another member’s account suspended.

“Aw, shit. I think that asshole @iamdiddy twitxecuted @NotoriousBIG. Now how are we supposed to know when he’s sexin’ @lilkim on the kitchen table?”
– @juicyazz, Executive Recuiter

Chinese Takeout

chinese_take_out_cartonA presentation of ideas that, at first glance, seem to fulfill goals and objectives. On further examination, however, the idea falls apart.

“You know, I thought Cliff’s presentation on using email marketing was right on strategy. But then I remembered hearing something about computer viruses coming through AOL! Our customers won’t stand for that. Boy, that was some real Chinese Takeout he was serving up.”
– Mildred, Special Events Coordinator

Profit Sharing Soda.

diet-cokeSodas that you remove from the company refrigerator and drink, justifying this action by explaining that it’s your “profit sharing*.”

“Yowza, gents. I’m feelin’ a little parched after that ball-busting sales projections meeting. I think I’ll just have me one of these refreshing profit sharing sodas.”
– John, Sales Associate


*Assumes that you actually received no profit sharing recently. If you did, you’re just stealing.